Before "New Year"

So what's new this new year? Apart from my visibly shorter hairs :(  (Thanks to the girl who trimmed them.) and the fact that my mom is finally convinced that I can cook a decent meal and my future in laws won't call her to complain, how their son is constantly loosing weight. :P

So do you think this one year has changed me?
I think it did in a lot of ways. May be in a less visible manner but surely it did.

To start with I am happy that my fears and insecurities have changed with time. It only proves that I am no more where I was.
At the beginning of this year I thought I need to be more in control of my life and more or less I did act accordingly. Although surprisingly when I least expected it, things turned out to be in my favor. :P (making this year more interesting and exciting for me for sure.... the kind I will love to share with my daughter with all added details in her teenage) Meanwhile I learned to be more patient. Because no matter what, somethings just take time. Sometimes its good not to react at all and let it be. And most of all you can not control how others choose to feel for you. There is very little you can do about it. So stop trying to be a better and a well behaved version of yourself. You are already enough and amazing the way you are and in case you find yourself doubting just call your chaddi buddy friends. :D

And I know its foolish but it is worth mentioning, that I am little over my phobia of lizards after my summer internship days.

I hated June (Internship days) so much, and surprisingly not because my HR thought it was ok to expect 3-4 algorithm implementation each day when she knew nothing about them, but because I hated staying away from home. Because that 3rd floor hostel flat was the worst place to be in during holidays. It had all kind of insects, bees that use to swarm in my bedroom every morning from God knows where, a guest appearance by a monkey that almost gave me a heart attack, and adding to that was the scorching heat of June and ceiling fan to survive. (And yes I have already mentioned about the lizards + Mess food + what not, you name it )

Placement season, well lets not go there. My BP might shoot up. :P

GATE that's another thing that I have found to keep myself busy. WOW.

Honestly, I have no idea how I can summarize this one particular year of my life. My thoughts are scattered, my feelings are unresolved and like any other normal person I am scared to step into the unkown.

But at the same time I am hopeful and that makes this year a little less of a disaster. :P

Recently one of my friend pointed out, I was smiling the whole time while I was in a conversation. And I hated to admit but yes maybe I did blush. And if she is right, its generally among first few signs. :P ( what I read as a disaster)

Employee referrals. :D Yippy, Hurray. I want to kiss the person who came up with this idea.

One question that I stumbled upon this year and is now becoming the reason behind most of my decisions. "If you get a chance to meet your 10 year younger version, what will you tell yourself"?

I just wish and hope that I will have something interesting to work on in 2014. That is the only thing I really want right now. And yes finally a much awaited trip with my high school friends. Smoothning wont hurt either. :P (Yes, that will be all for my wish list of year 2014)

PS- I shall now update my blog once the semester gets over. So do wait and come back again. Till then take care and enjoy :D
Happy New Year in advance :)

Rebooting your Life

Okay, this was supposed to be uploaded a long time ago, but for some reason I chose to keep it in my drafts. But then last night something happened and I couldn't resist and share this one.

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"I can't believe I am unpacking all my stuff, I was so excited to go to shimla. Damn this college." I said with despair in my tone and with a hint of anger in it. 

"Who the hell said college was fun?" Ipshita said in an even bitter tone. "We have zero campus culture, not a single cute guy, faculty that drives me crazy, compulsory courses and add to that the misery of wearing college uniform. Ughh I hate this place." 

Now for those who do not know. Ipshita is one of the closest being I ever had to a sister. She is funny, ambitious, kind and all those good things, but most of all what I like about her is, life becomes a roller coaster ride when she is around. 

"Why I am not surprised." I said half joking. 

"Shut up, that was not funny. I am depressed.... And frustrated...Somewhat irritated too...and Blah blah blah." She said sulking.

"Know what? Let’s go for a walk." I said and I stood up to find my slippers. 

She agreed as well but only after I promised her a sundae.

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"Let’s go out someplace this weekend na, I am sick of this place." I asked Ipshita.

"Well who is not. Let’s check noticeboard, we might find something interesting. Moreover lots of college festivals are going around this season." Ipshita answered and we continued forward towards the main notice board.

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"Look, here. A salsa workshop."  Ipshita said indicating towards a poster on the notice board looking excited.

"Sweet heart. I hope you do know Salsa requires partner unless of course you are willing to learn guys step for me." I said teasingly with a bit of sarcasm.

"Oh yes, partner. My life sucks eternally." She said.

"Well that makes two of us." was my immediate response. 

After a couple of minutes she said "Excuse me, you do have a partner. I am not sure if you are thinking clearly." 

"Haha, I am dying laughing on this one. We do not even hold hands and you are telling me to ask him for a salsa workshop. How brilliant of you." I said in a matter of fact tone.

"You know studies reveal that man like woman taking the initiative. Just saying you know......", and she shrugged in a typical cute girly manner, happy with herself for making an inside joke.

"And you do know your sundae is long lost forgotten story after this one." I said and gave her an ugly smile.

"acha acha sorry."

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"Anyways let's see who is organizing." I said to change the topic.

"Some Aaryansh Aghnihotri. Nice name na. Look he has a vodafone too. " Ipshita pointed out.

"Hmm, yes its a good name." I nodded.

In that brief moment, we both knew what was going in our heads. And the next thing i know was we both were on a speaker call.

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"Hey is this Aaryanh", I said.

"Yes speaking." was his response.

"Well I came across this notice for a salsa workshop, and I was wondering if I can register on the spot, because as of now I am not sure if I will be participating or not." I inquired.

"Yeah, Sure you can. May I please know from which college you are speaking." He questioned.

Now this was the question we weren't prepared for. So I ended the call in haste.  This was not the way we hoped for it to go. But after a couple of minutes cell phone vibrated again. It was a message from the same no. and we both lit up. 

"Hey you did not mention me your college name." was the message he left.

And we quickly decided to go with Hansraj.

"Well me and my friend is from Hansraj, but the problem is my friend do not have a partner. " We texted back.

"That should not be a problem, there will be many without a partner i suppose" was his response to our text message. 

"Actually the thing is my friend is pretty amazing, so you know. Why don't you go with her. You seem to be a nice guy to me."  We replied.

By now we were already rolling on the floor laughing. 

.

.

.

And this went on for a long time. Poor guy, he thought he got lucky. 

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PS- I am going to miss our crazy times. It was technically our last semester together, and somehow things wont be the same ever after but I still wish to believe they will. From shouting in the corridors to spamming each other facebook wall. From juniors to seniors. From my 2 birthday's in May to your 3 birthday's in September. :P The way we order our food as if we haven't eaten from a month or so and end up saying... "bhaiya pack kerdo", and most of all how we never needed anyone to share our inside jokes.

And yes Plz Plz tel my future husband/bf to be as amazing shopping partner as you are. :D (just girly things)

And one story that i undoubtedly want to tell your kids is... " How I met your mother". Again.... how can you cry that much? :P 

And to the rest who are still curious, we told the poor guy about our intents later and said sorry. He created a little fuss initially but apologized himself (perks of being a girl). We still have his number saved as "Never ever Pick up".

25th Nov

(yes that's my room)

Honestly when you use to drop me till school bus everyday, it use to annoy me a little. Why will any high school going kid like that anyways. :P But then now when I think about it, I feel a whole lot different about it. I know I argue a lot, I am stubborn and miss managed. Careless at times. And most of the times I tell you "I will do it on my own. Let me do it my way". And all such sort of things. But the truth is I can not. The fact is I can take the risk and be myself because I know you are there to help me sort out in case I end up in a soup. :) I do not think, I can ever Thank God enough for letting me have parents like you. :)  [ and you need not to get sentimental on this one,(just in case you are reading) you know I can be a Devil and an Angel at the same time :D]

Because I fear failure so much, that I end up worrying and working more on my backup plan, instead of my original plan. And eventually I end up doing all the wrong things. #LearnToHaveLittleFaith

And then there are people I meet, who will talk about Ayn rand's philosophy, will encourage the idea of "Do what you like doing the most" but will most probably end the discussion by forcing on the idea, that a 3.25 job in a MNC is probably a best shot of success and happiness for an avg. student. Really?

Happiness is finding a sticky note, with an encouraging message, to start my day with. Lucky to have few friends, I know who really care. :) Thank God we have 1 more semester together.

Medicines. It was fine till then. No needles please. :(

Not really into the grand wedding thing, or to say simply "wedding". But this is really nice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPtXgivTKog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGnK_UslZes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZPVHaPCfso (my personal fav.... i m loving d bride here.. she is so fun)

(must be the music and editing skills)

And I have no Idea why every one assumes they know what is good for me.

The idea of starting a brand new life somewhere in the hills, teaching kindergarten students and having time to cook myself a breakfast and enjoy a book by the window with a hot cup of coffee in the evening . #exciting (or less ambitious? I will never know the difference. )

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For silly Romantics.

ONE DAY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1tSxwpUz7Y

This is one of the best things I have watched in days. Made me cry literally. (Trust me not many movies can do that to me). Everything I will say will be taken otherwise, so i will just refrain from the idea of writing a review. But go and watch this movie because I am saying so. You will thank me later.

For Animation Lovers

MONSTER UNIVERSITY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODePHkWSg-U

Totally fun. Initially I was not so sure, if I will like this movie and in fact I kind of ignored it after going through its trailer. But then my Graphic's teacher insisted on the idea of watching this one. Thankfully this time I did.

Defining moment of the movie and my personal fav. is when mike gets his college ID card. Watch it and you will know why.
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Will I be something?
Am I something?

And the answer comes:
You already are.
You always were.
And you still have time to be.
-Anis Mojgani

15 Nov 2013

#Sleepover, possibly one of the best remedies in the world. 

#Cold + #Major Project + #Sleeping Dose , Worst combination ever.

#22, not sure what i want. It sucks.

And sometime I do not know what do i feel or how do i feel about the whole thing. And this is when i ignore talking. Bear with me if you can. :|

And just maybe, I will never reach a conclusion. #ignore

#Library Fine + #Mess Food = Side effects of college

When a 3 year old cry for you :(. #i miss u 2 myra <3

And if it was legal to kill few irritating people, my life would have been certainly normal. (Not sure if being serial killer will be counted as normal. :P)

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Because I think he is cute, or may be the kind of roles he play :D

(from his latest movie :D )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQYz7f7enjI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmmLH0JWo-Q

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNC1FDR8Ays

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“To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love”

― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

(Delena fans will understand)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10SVwR8K9mI 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78AOCLReZeg ( i like this one)

Mixed set of priorities

"Good choice, I like the guy", Ananya said looking amused with herself as i savored last few sips of my take away coffee.
Coming back from my train of thoughts, confused I looked around. "What?" I exclaimed.
"The guy you are staring at. I think he is kinda sexy." She explained.
"Seriously, Ananya." was my only reaction.

Well Ananya can be little pushy and compelling at times, but somehow I still feel she is one of the best thing that happened to me in college. I have absolutely no idea how I would have survived these brutal years of my graduation without a friend like her, specially considering the fact that I can be a little "drama queen" at times. Like say, today itself.

We have our own spot, where we usually hang out after classes. A small open air theater at the backside of a nearby mall. It is nearly walking distance and doesn't take more than 10 mins. to reach.  I like this place. For one, not many people come here except few occasional couples and two, the view is spectacular.

Adding to the view is all the festive decoration and lighting used by mall authority.

"Well, I was not staring at him." I explained. "I was just thinking about something."
"You sure?" She asked teasingly.
"Positive." I said laughing. "And moreover, he is not even my type."
"You know, you need to stop typecasting guys, or should I say outcasting 99% of human male population. Right?" said Ananya with raised eyebrows.
"Yeah, I know. I got you. Thumps up. Now lets talk something else." I said quickly changing the topic.

"So, what were you thinking about?" Ananya asked again.
"Nothing just in general." I said and shrugged.
"Did not look like in general." She argued.

"You don't give up. Do you?" I said half jokingly.
"No I don't." said Ananya. "And you in particular love guessing games. Com'on just tell me. Is it about 'missing  someone'?"
"Noooo, Ananya." I said stressing on my no. "I know exactly what you are hinting at, but seriously no. Not my concern anymore. Just in general." I repeated again, not looking at her this time.

"I am waiting, you know that right?" Ananya said looking persistent.
"Well, I was just thinking about the interview I had." I said playing with my take away coffee cup.
"Okay, so you are anxious about your result. It is gong to be fine." She said trying to convince me.

"I don't think its about the results, I think I already know what is going to happen. Its the feedback that I am worried about." I said looking in the thin air.
"What feedback?" She asked in a confused tone.

I narrated her the entire scene and told her, "At the end of my interview, my HR said I need to prioritize my life. I need to reevaluate, if what I was doing is what I really wanted to do at the first place. I tried hard to convince her, talked about my n no. of projects but all she said was its not about what you are telling me, its about what I can see."

"Its okay, Yar. Forget it. Don't allow her to play tricks on your mind and moreover become the reason you doubt your life decisions. Plus its not like she always wanted to become an HR." Ananya said. "I wanted to become an astronaut. Doesn't mean I can be one."

"Hmm." I said and gave her a subtle smile though not sure if was convinced.






   

25th October 2013

Because its one of those kind of a day, when the sun shines bright and the wind blows cold. The kind of a day, a Jane Austen fan will slip away, to sit and read her favorite book in peace. #Soothing #Satisfying

I think I love Autumn and not just because it holds metaphorical value. #October

When poetry becomes the reason, 2 people connect and characters in the classics become the reason they Argue. #Almost Romantic

Moment you let a stranger see, how vulnerable you are, and you turn friends. Moment she helps you figure out if all the drama is worth it. #Clearly NO

It wasn't like "all the drama" in my life did not occur to me in those few brief moments, but i guess i chose to overlook. As they say, Happiness is a decision not a destination.

Growing up, its a difficult process. Sometimes it means learning the difference between Sample outcomes and Feasible outcomes. (when event is your life) #Yes I am learning Probability these days :P
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Having a bad day?
Two movies to laugh out loud with. :D

1) DUE DATE - Robert Downey, Jr. and Zach Galifianakis. Do i need to say more. Trust me watch it and dont                              let IMDb rating confuse you.

Here .. Link to the trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1p3NnJ_oiE0

2) BAD TEACHER - Awesome to the power awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTMUa8HfnBw

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"We read fine things but never feel them to the full until we have gone the same steps as the author."
— John Keats

From Parallel Universe, one that is ahead in time

I know you have a lot of questions for me, and I wish I could have answered them precisely and accurately. But sadly that is not how it works. I can't tell you if life will or will not be like the fairy tale you imagined. But at the same time i want to let you know that every event in future is an outcome of the decision taken by you in present. Decision whether or not you will stick to the hard way, because there will always be an easy way.

There are going to be times when you will wake up early in the morning, realizing it was just a dream and you do not need to be scared anymore. Good news is you are not pretending or lying to yourself anymore. You exactly know what do you fear the most. It becomes easy when you know what you are fighting against.

At some point of time you are surely going to doubt the people in your life. Not one, not two but most of them. Don't give up on them yet, they might surprise you.

You are going to see people, who will always work their way out without even moving their asses (literally). They will have what you always wanted and worked for. Equation for them will always remain simple + easy on the other hand for you it will always be complicated + difficult. And you might also give them a little attention and envy them for the first couple of days. But the fact is, if it is complicated + difficult, it is because you think that way. (Life is a cheesecake, at least that what i like to imagine)

You may think, emotional bondage hold you back and you are better off without it. But I still want you to think of it as your strength and not your weakness. Emotions give you a shape.

And most importantly i always want you to believe in your favorite word, "Peregrination", Keep moving. :)

PS- and yes possibly you will always wonder, obsess, stalk and will try to unravel the mystery of "why this person was described in such a god like manner". Maybe be because you know the answer already or may be because you think too much. I wish it is the later part. :|
***- Surely you don't know what i am talking about, neither do i wish to let you know. :P Some thoughts are so private that either you do not share them at all, or share them with million users over internet.

What do I long for?

“Writers are desperate people and when they stop being desperate they stop being writers.”

― Charles Bukowski

I have heard people stating many a times that life is simple, the most complex questions have a very simple answer. We are just not looking at it in the right way. Can it be the other way round ? Can simple questions have complex answers ?

I was having this conversation with a friend last week, when eventually I ended up talking about authors. Authors who are praised and  read world wide, without whom i suppose the term "literature" itself will hold a little less of its meaning. And strangely enough, they all have something in common, i.e. they all write with a purpose. If you look into their private lives and theme of work close enough, you will observe a pattern.

Sylvia Plath an american poet and short story writer. Those who cant recall her, do you remember "Mirror", a short poem as a part of our English syllabus. Yes, author of the very same poem. Most of her work falls into a category of confessional poetry. Her poems are full of references and images that seem impenetrable at this distance, but which could mostly be explained in footnotes by a scholar with full access to the details of her life. She lost her father at a very early age, had a miscarriage and found her marriage falling apart, which she always thought about as love at first sight. Her husband (Ted Hughes) was cheating on her.

Let me show you, one of my favorite pick from her work.

Mad Girl's Love Song

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Can you relate it now? Does it makes sense to you now after knowing about her personal life? What do you say was she longing for something? Was she desperate? Undoubtedly YES.

Enid Blyton most of her work revolves around child fantasy. She wrote stories of child adventures. Blyton adored her father and was devastated after he left the family to live with another woman. Blyton and her mother did not have a good relationship, and later in life, Blyton claimed to other that her mother was dead and ultimately did not attend either of her parents' funeral.  Am I wrong to think of her work as an attempt to relive all those happy childhood moments that she missed? Can i think about it as a flight of imagination for things she longed for?

Jane Austen the author of my favorite "Pride and Prejudice". She wrote six novels during her lifetime, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, Mansfield Park, Emma, Northanger Abbey and Persuassion. All based on the theme of romance and happily ever after.  But surprisingly in her real life she never found her Mr. Perfect. I wonder why she was so good in imagining those happy ever afters may be because she longed for them herself.

Now when this conversation got over, self realization hit me hard. What do i write about? And moreover what do I want to write about? What is it that i am looking for??? Do i write to settle down my rage? or in the name of fiction, creativity and imagination; I am trying to communicate my emotions with you??? What is it?

At times like these i really question my level of sanity. Why cant I have a simple answers like everyone else. Like in this case it would have been much simpler if i would have answered myself "I write because i like to write." Why do i need to over think and over analyze everything, every situation? Its not necessary that everything has a logic or purpose.

But anyways I am happy that i at least found myself an answer. Answer is beyond insane, but its a proof of my patience and ability to hold on, when i know it doesn't make a sense and Its nothing more than a useless pointless effort and wastage of time and energy.
Ok, don't put efforts interpreting my last lines. You are not getting close anyways :P and this makes blogging even more interesting. :P

PS- I know this should have been a diary entry instead, but anyways I read it somewhere; one must learn to embrace his/her own weirdness. :)