Give time to admire yourself

I Hate You (5)

I reached the nearest metro station in next 15 mins and decided to wait for the first metro in the morning. Though i was still completely clueless about my destination but all i wanted for the day was to escape those merciless auguries which kept haunting me all night, retreating my way back to my past. I wanted to shut and lock myself with all my fears in the loud noises and crowd of the city.

But as one can expect a lot of commotion from a public domain like a metro station, it was unusually very quiet and still that morning. In fact their were only a couple of old aged retired man sitting and reading a newspaper, probably returning from a morning walk or something. Instead of noticing further details i checked the time on my watch and it was precisely 6:02 am. , another 20 minutes for the train.

With that i heard tapping of the heels coming from the staircase, and naturally my eyes ran to check for the source. And eventually with every click of the heel, figure of a lady in her late 30's emerged. I chose to describe her as a lady but not woman, because of her graceful appearance, and the aura she possessed. If someone would have asked to pen sketch her i would have surely described her as exuberant. She had long, silky dark brown hairs, with a deep "u" cut and curls at the end. Her hairs were thrown back and were clutched beautifully. She wore a broad, black, square framed spectacles that suited her face cut tremendously. Her eyes had a hint of kajal and eyeliner, and lips were covered with a thin layer of lip gloss, complementing her wheatish complexion. Her dressing was equally catching, with a red colored long top having a deep neck, around which she draped her henna colored scarf, and paired it beautifully with junk jewel. Highlighting her height and personality were her dark brown boot shoes and leather bag.

As she approached near we exchanged glances, she sat next to me on the steel bench while waiting for the train.

After 5 mins approximately.

"Where are you heading this early morning". She asked me
Under normal circumstances, it would have made me uneasy and i would have lied but in her presence and smile i felt some sort of assurance and i replied honestly but bluntly, "I don't know."
Instead of questioning about it, or demanding more details, she opened up her leather hand bag and groped through it. Finally she handed over me a pass. It was about an art exhibition happening in the downtown by "Vidhya Kashyap".
"Vidhya Kashyap? Who is she? " I inquired.
"That's me," and she smiled.
"But why are you giving it to me? I am not even a potential buyer." I replied with gratitude.
"Because artist are always more fond of admirers rather than buyers, plus i thought you did not know where to go, to cam yourself." she replied with great compassion in her eyes.
Completely amazed by her instincts and nerve i kept looking at her for few seconds.
"Look it's completely your choice, i am not forcing you." Her voice brought me back from my thoughts.

I accepted the proposal trusting her instincts, may be she knew better, what i needed for now.
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We reached by 8:30 am, She opened up the gallery and i asked her to get done with her work and i will like to help myself on my own.

Looking at the condition of the gallery and her art studio it appeared to me as if she was quite a renowned artist. Number of paintings displayed was quite large plus the price tag below each painting was equally huge and heavy. I kept moving from one painting to the other in no hurry, noticing the brush strokes, minute detailing, flow of colors and the those wonderful thoughts and expressions involved in the background. Finally I reached a painting with a girl standing on a cliff in the stormy weather facing vastness of the sky and from the corner of her dress were emerging lot of butterflies. For some unknown reason i lost myself into it, and i sat there opened up my diary and started to pen down all those random thoughts and emotions which occurred to me. I lost the track of time.
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"You enjoying immensely i believe," said Vidhya Kashyap and sat next to me.
First time in last 1 hour i looked away from my diary and said, "a lot".
"So you are a writer?" she asked.
"Yes, you can say so. Though i don't share much of my work." I replied while taking care of my words.
"I thought so." She said with her same assuring smile.
"By the way i was wondering why haven't you put up a price tag below this painting."I enquired.
"Why, you want to buy it?" She replied with a question in return.
"Wish i could someday, its beautiful." I replied with generosity.
"Well dear, its not for sale. Its one of my earliest and favorite work." She told me.
"Ohh, But seriously its beautiful." I said with a bit of despair this time.
"Do, you know why you liked this painting so much?" She asked me with her same compassionate eyes.
"I don't know, may be the strokes of the wind, or her hairs drifting in the wind." I replied yet being unsure about my answer."
"Its because that girl in the painting is insecure and fragile, but still she is ready to take the leap of faith. Because her passion and dedication don't have limits. She is afraid to move on and leave her comfort zone, yet she wish to try. "

And i moved to tears. In few hours she learned about me more than so many who live with me everyday. Trying hard to hold my tears back. I asked her "if i can come here more often."
"Anytime dear, now its your place as well." and same assuring smile.

Rock Climbing

I Hate you (4)

"I might get late, don't wait for me. Prenika XOXO". Niharika read out loud for Sonali from the sticky note i left behind on the bathroom mirror before leaving early morning.

While Sonali choose to stay in bed, Niharika continued to crib regarding my secretive attitude.

"Why cant she just tell us where she go. What she do. We have been room mates  for almost 2 years now. She has to tell us all today, no matter what. No excuses on that." said Niharika with complete annoyance.
"Because she is hurt." replied Sonali calmly.
"Why. What have we done to hurt her." Questioned Niharika.
"Not by us stupid. It's probably  about something we have no idea about." answered Sonali..
"So why cant she just trust us, And share it. What are friends for otherwise." Niharika said with exasperation.
Conversation pulled out Sonali out of her sleep and she sat straight on her bed and said,"Because its just not the kind of person she is. She likes being left alone rather talk and discuss over it. Tell me have you ever seen her crying or talking about her issues in these 2 years?"
When Niharika tried hard to recall, Sonali answered her question herself, "answer is big NO. Now think over it, why is it so? Don't she have any problem? Its because she want to fight things on her own. She is struggling hard but she wont say it. Sometimes friends are suppose to be a silent pillar of strength, to give faith that if things don't work out i will stay by your side and that whats she needs the most right now."

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By 5:30 am i gave up all my hopes, i knew one more night has added among those countless sleepless nights i have spent being restless. I decided to take a shower and prepare coffee for myself. Later with pin drop silence i picked up my keys and closed the door behind.

Memoirs of a Geisha

No, this post is strictly not meant to review but yes it has something to do with it.

‘Geisha’, now I am still not sure how to define Her. Should I call her an artist as the narrator introduces her or as my dictionary suggests.

Every culture and history has witnessed ubiquitous nature of Her…its just the name that differs. They have been amusing various art forms and their artists since long, are among the most endured and intensely talked about characters whether in ‘eleven minutes’ or ‘dangerous beauty’.  Instead of all those qualities of feminism they possess they are still judged brutally and considered a disgrace. Story of a geisha is as forbidden to be told or talked about as it is fragile.

If anyone defines true feminism in my opinion it’s definitely geisha. She is strong, capable, self sustaining, had gone through so much in life and yet made it through alive. She had none of the choices to make but adapted to the worst you could imagine. Know the rules of the world better than so many of us and above all she never allowed herself to be fooled by the emotions…. Even if she did for once she knew how to let go and hold on to the grounds of reality.

All I want to ask in one line is…isn’t that uncivilized world exists because civilized world need it to exist.

Why is it easy for all of us to look away rather than understanding and respecting?

I Hate You (3)

True I can’t afford ‘F’, neither can I tolerate Vishal and more over can’t let my ego go down against him. After all I promised him his first ‘F’ grade, and now asking him to cooperate and maintain professional relationship will be such a horrendous thing to do.

So considering all my available options…. “Do I have any?”

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Finally after thinking and lot of rethinking I was ready with my almost fool proof plan for the Lab.

What if I am not ready for the ‘F’, neither is he. This was the only loophole to be benefited from. Why should I be the one asking for cooperation? Let him pull the trigger and ask me to cooperate. He must be equally worried or even more for his first ‘F’ grade. All the while I can just pretend like I don’t care, as such it goes with my image too.

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TUESDAY LAB

“Hi”, said Vishal merrily, as if nothing ever happened.

Good for me probably he wants things to go back to normal, as he needs my cooperation. I thought to myself.

“Heloo” I said with an ugly smile.

Prof. Mathur explained the aim of lab in next 15 minutes and later we were left alone to perform lab for the next 1.5 hours.

“So…?” I asked.

“I am thinking of utilizing my time.” He commented.

“OK, so you better start working. It’s a long experiment.” I commented back.

“Ohh…What experiment? I was talking about spending time with Aarika.” He replied with a grin on his face.

“What the fuck, this lab is meant for experiments not for your romantic sessions with your girl friend.”I said irritated.

“She is hot. Are you jealous?”

Ok Prenika keep your calm. Don’t freak out and make another terrible mistake. I told myself.

“What about our experiment then?” I enquired.

“I thought we were planing to flunk. You remember?”He asked with a broader smile than before.

“You are a despicable human being. I hate you”.

“I know. And it’s ok you are jealous. Any ways you know where to find me in case you change your mind.”

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Finally in last half an hour of the lab I realized he is no way concerned about it. I started struggling with all the electrical components on my own just when he reappeared.

“So you changed your mind. Should have called me, could have helped you.”

I already knew I lost d battle of words and with my sword and weapons down I said, “You can still help, I will not be able to complete the experiment in time”.

“Well don’t worry. I already knew something like this will happen, since our chemistry is so great. So before coming to the lab I asked Mr. Mathur for extra lab slot in this week.”He replied with genuine sincerity.

“And that’s the reason; you were so cool about it. You wanted to watch me suffer. You sadist.”

“I call it being one step ahead. And it was all just to make you clear that we both need each other. I know it was rude, but then I didn’t have many options to pick from either. ”

“Fine, we will work it out somehow.”

“So we are partners.” He said and swiftly brought his hand forward.

LOST LOVE

I feel incomplete,

But please don’t ask me why?

I just know something is missing,

But that something is hard to define.

I argue and I question

Is this for what I am destined?

Whether it Rain’s or shine,

I am always on the verge of crying.

Is it about lost love I agonize?

Or the expectations I nurture inside.

Weighed by the tears of forlorn hope

I wait for your silence to drop off.

Bound by the semblance of bygone,

I gaze at stars and turn woebegone.

Petrified with the thought of loving again,

persistent enough to wait for a change.

When I continue to mope and pine,

A erratic thought cross my mind.

Am I too obsessed with love of life?

Have I not shelved plans of other likes?

Then and there itself I realized.

It’s not regarding love of life,

Love for life is what missing inside.

Ambivalence is no more state of my mind.

With endurance I gather the left of me,

will rebuild the castle of dreams.

Princess need not always have a prince,

Because “Alice in wonderland” I wish to relive.

All at once I found the one,

Whom I can lean and should love.

A whole new stranger girl,

Who was smiling amid of tears.